Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
