we're blogging at a bar
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
