haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
