Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
