the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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