So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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