Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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