I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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