as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize