If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
