I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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