Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
