am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
