Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
