the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
