My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
