Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
