kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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