my shit smells like andre
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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