Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
