I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize