Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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