I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
