I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize