You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
