You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
