my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
