Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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