That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
