Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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