You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
