cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
