At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
