When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
