my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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