Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
