shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
