Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
