Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
