FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
