You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Randomize
