guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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