i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
