yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
