Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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