he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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