wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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