Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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