Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
