Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize