I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
