Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
