Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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