i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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