I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
