I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
