Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
