Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We need to rekindle our bromance
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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