Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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