She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
