No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
