i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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