Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
