Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
