i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
