JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
