i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
