I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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