I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
