my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
