lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
