Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
